A new Leaf

Yesterday, I went to USC to entertain some things. It would break my family's heart if they'd found out what I was really doing there. I'm here again in this situation where I feel really really troubled. I sought advice from our Guidance Councilor since we've been close for like how many months now. I trusted him, with him I can cry and forget about my concerns. It was almost 4 in the afternoon that I've finally told him something not everybody is familiar about me. Yes, for the first time in my life, I was being myself in front of someone. At first, it's hard to spill the bean but then I've given up pretending. I became tired of preserving this fishy side of me. So I told him the root of my depression. The feelings I've felt as I released the words that shouldn't be uttered came from the deepest and darkest part of my heart. It's a relieved and somewhat, I feel proud. Then we talked about someone and I told him how this someone has changed me. Valley of tears came out from my very eyes, it's still painful for me every time I talk about this someone. I was planning to leave and run after my happiness but he advised me to weigh things. He asked me if I was ready? The truth, I'm scared. I'm scared of everything that resides there. The lonely moments and hardships I will experience there scare me. I'm not happy and I can't find my happiness here so I've to leave and look for it. But then, thinking about my age, skills, disposition, I know I'm not capable enough for this adventure. I want to change, I want to be a better person but still, I think I won't be when I'm in here. But am I really ready? No. So I've to pass. I just realized that this is not the right time. Now that I've already recognized my happiness, I believe I can get it but not now. My friends were right, I should fix things here first before jumping into another goal. I know I'll change, I have an inspiration to make my living make sense. My past life will remind me that I have stay focus and be strong. I will not do the same mistakes ever again. God, please give me strength to move forward. This is another battle of my life, I must be determined to change for the people I cared the most. I love them so much and I won't leave them unless I'm better.

Equal Trade

Writing is a very functional past time for me. It has been the medium that I've chosen to use in order for the people to know what I'm feeling. I was a loner back then and most of the times left behind. I was living in the shadow for a very long time. No best friend(s), no attachment with other people, I was scared to open up. I was too shy to speak, to laugh, to stand up, to try new things and to define reality. Those were the dark and hazy days of my life. But then one day, I decided to break free, it was during my senior days. Just one glass of beer and boom! I have an instant life. People started knowing me as a "somebody". I began going out with different people. Just one shot of booze, and my life has changed.
I was able to watch this anime "Full Metal Alchemist" long time ago, and it says about "equal trade". -People invest, people sacrifice to get the satisfaction they wish. For us to achieve something, we have to let go something. I think that's what it's all about, risk in order to gain.

Life's been bating us with tricky choices, offering us different roads, testing our strength and evaluating our behavior. It keeps on confusing us, maybe to measure our capacity in balancing our decisions. Whatever it is, it's not easy to live. You've not just noticed it but you are here because of the things you've had given up. You jeopardize yourself the moment you wake up and race against life elements. You just don't know the things I've had to let go just to be where I am now. I've had to benumbed and surrender everything I've had in exchange of a new life. I must look strong in front of them to save a "somebody" in me. We have many things in our palms to let go, even love. I remember what Sister Martha told us last semester "I've found my ideal man but I have to let go of him because of Christ". Whatever one has gambled, remember the word "equal trade". And to triumph against life, we have to enjoy the experience under the vicinity of our chosen route. Ride on and learn from your mistakes, learn to let go, learn to give, learn to trust your fate and learn to appreciate because we live to learn. And as for me, I may not have taken the perfect road but I've managed to still be walking this strong and that's something I should be thankful of.

New 7 Wonders of the World

"Our Heritage is Our Future" -that's the theme of the contest.

It's not just about winning, it's about opening our doors to other races. It's giving nature back what it deserves. We're not poor, in fact we are abundant in natural resources, we belong to a rich country. So it's just right to share our resources to others and let others experience what it's like to be living surrounded with amazing spots. Such a haven, such an endless horizon of gleaming sun rays, an ambiance of refreshment, it's the heaven beneath the sky. Let us please conserve and preserve mother earth, take care of our resources and believe me, nature will pamper us more than what we have invested. Take part of it, extend your hands and help. Today is the best time to show our concern. Today is all that we've got to make it happen. Today is our time. Today is our chance, so please do vote for our three entries. Just go to www.new7wonders.com and surf around. It's just a click away.
NOTE: The descriptions of these entries came from different sites that I've scanned in the internet with much effort and patience. Sources were not published but I guarantee you, it's reliable. Ranking will be updated if there's a change in position since voting is on going.

Current Ranking:

10. Mayon Volcano

Beautifully symmetrical Mayon volcano, which rises to 2462 m above the Albay Gulf, is the Philippines' most active volcano. The structurally simple volcano has steep upper slopes averaging 35-40 degrees that are capped by a small summit crater. The historical eruptions of this basaltic-andesitic volcano date back to 1616 and range from strombolian to basaltic plinian, with cyclical activity beginning with basaltic eruptions, followed by longer term andesitic lava flows. Eruptions occur predominately from the central conduit and have also produced lava flows that travel far down the flanks. Pyroclastic flows and mudflows have commonly swept down many of the approximately 40 ravines that radiate from the summit and have often devastated populated lowland areas. Mayon's most violent eruption, in 1814, killed more than 1200 people and devastated several towns.


2. Tubbataha Reef, Palawan

This is a typically colorful reef view from Tubbataha Reef, located in the Sulu Sea about 110 miles east of Palawan Island, Philippines. At one time this dive spot was rated one of the top ten in the world. In the 1980's, Tubbataha suffered tremendous damage from exploitation by commercial and subsistence fishermen, often using destructive fishing techniques. The outlook was very bleak for Tubbataha when a commercial company proposed operating a large seaweed farm there (later beginning the operation without sanction anyway). Fortunately in 1988 the Philippine government intervened, finally declaring the location Tubbataha Reefs National Marine Park, covering approximately 30,000 hectares. The illegal seaweed factory was shut down and since then the reef's condition is reported to have improved immensely.

The latest dive trip reports from Tubbataha indicate there is very little dynamite damage, with 100 per cent coral coverage. Fortunately the remote location of Tubbataha isolates the reef from the effects of soil runoff due to deforestation, which continues to devastate reefs near many of the Philippine islands.

Tubbataha Reef is an atoll coral reef in the Sulu Sea that belongs to the Philippines. It is a marine sanctuary protected as Tubbataha Reef National Marine Park. The reef is composed of two atolls, North and South Reefs. Each reef has a single small islet that protrudes from the water. The atolls are separated by a deep channel 8 kilometers wide. Over one thousand species, including many that are endangered, can be found at on the reef. These include manta rays, lionfish, tortoises, clownfish and sharks.

4. Chocolate Hills, Bohol

The Chocolate Hills is an unusual geological formation in Bohol, Philippines. It is composed of around 1,268 perfectly cone-shaped hills, all about the same size, spread over an area of more than 50 sq km The hills are covered in green grass that turns brown during the dry season, giving them the name ''Chocolate Hills.''

This the most famous tourist attraction in Bohol. Among the thousands of perfectly cone-shaped hills which abound in Central Bohol, two of the hills have been developed into resort. On top of the hill are two youth hostels with a conference room, cozy cottages with private rooms and accommodations, swimming pool, tennis court and restaurant. A climb up 213 concrete steps on the other hill is an observation deck where one can view God's wondrous creations spread below as far as the eyes can see. The grasses which cover the hills turn brown in the cry season. Its uniqueness shows when the hills are wet, it turns into green and when the sun is up high, it turns brown.

6. Subterranean River National Park, Palawan

Puerto Princesa Subterranean River National Park. A world heritage site, this natural wonder features an 8.2 kilometer navigable underground river, reputed to be the world's longest, that winds through a spectacular cave before emptying out in to the South China Sea. This river flows within a deep cavern under rugged limestone and marble cliffs, special features of the park. Known as one of the world's wonders, this river stretches eight kilometers deep into an underground lagoon with crystalline waters. Within the hallowed recesses, one winds through the tunnel aboard a paddle boat with outriggers to be enthralled at every turn which reveals stalactite pillars, rock formations, and domed amphitheaters.

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It Used to be Like This

i love you. that's why im willing to set you free anytime.

not because im afraid that they might discover the things your "society" never wanted, but because i wanted to see you happy even when you go away.

i love you. that's why you have to believe me.

i love you. that's why you have the freedom to doubt.

i love you. that's why you have the time to think about this.

i love you. that's why i'm giving you my heart.

i love you. that's why i'm studying this hard.

i love you. that's why i do not sleep.

i love you. that's why im trying to express this feeling that's so vague... no words can be said to explain this feeling. and unfortunately, im still lost in finding the right words to describe this.

i love you. that's why i've got nothing to say.

i love you. that's why i'm walking away..

Every time I read this message, I cannot find a way to stop my emotions from falling apart. But deleting this won't make any difference anyway. It's here, right here and this pain is unfortunately a part of me now. Thinking of how we were, God I miss a lot about you. I'd wake up early morning and check if you had a good night sleep. I would stay up late and wait 'till you're done studying. It makes me happy reading your sweet late night messages over and over again. I feel loved and appreciated. Too bad, those things will never happen again and yeah,they belong to my past now. When you've walked away, it's like hell. I have to force myself to get up and pretend I'm alright. Everyday is a dying day without you. It's lonely, it's tormenting, it's a pain in the ass not seeing you ever again. I wish I'd take those days back and you know, edit our goodbyes. It could have been prevented from happening and my longing wouldn't have been molded into sculpture made of tears.

You are the reason behind everything I do in my life. Memories keep floating in my mind or flashing out of nowhere. My thought is an abode of your illusion and there's no way to shoo them away. Your pondering words, your crazy little smiles, your innocent face, your sarcastic voice, all fresh to me to remember. You laugh like you were some child who saw someone making funny faces. You laugh at me like I was the one making funny faces. Haha. And when you sing, you sing to me... and right then again, I wish you'll never stop singing.

You just have no idea how deep you've wounded me..:( You've left me with this scar, you've left me something to remind the pain everyday. And when you walked away, you never looked back.

I found this on page 41 in my frienster inbox:

"10/18/2007 2:44 am
i'm hooked on someone...
haha.
you know who she is. :)
tell her that i love her sooo much.
okay?

-God knows how much I've loved you but you dwell now in my past and it will stay that way. So long.