illusory

I didn't know she'd be in my dream until one night, I saw a silhouette of her image coming near.

The smile shaped on her face was never a metaphor. I still could remember how the gleam of light made her eyes look more beautiful. And how her glances able to consolidate all the mysteries in my life. She was dancing in the air, along the beat of silence. I became stiff as I watched her frolicking in the thin atmosphere.

Then she laid her hands on my face, then my eyes suddenly felt weak to the extent where I couldn't open them anymore. And all of a sudden, memories retrieved.

That simple and gentle rub of the face made me return to my past. She was there, she touched my life and all. If I were a man, I certainly would fall in love with her. Too bad, I was destined to be with someone else.

It was one December night when an illusion of her vigorously appeared in the angry sky. Her picture rolled over and over again, covering the dark clouds. Just moments after, it rained but her image remained visible. I released a long and deep breath, I knew something's wrong. But that radical change of whom to love made me realize some things which I intended to just keep by myself.

Then I woke up and I saw no one beside me. The friendship's not there anymore and the faith that could make me survive. All were gone.
Those were just illusions made out of this drive within me that someday, we would be better.

In my dreams, we're always together. But in reality, we never were. Who is she? I've never seen her before, only in my dreams that I got the chance to connect. But I know for sure, she's sent to deliver a message. She's a replica of those people and couples I see everyday, everywhere, walking forward in spite of those griming eyes they encounter. She represents their world. She's the bridge built to unite culture and modernization. She'll put those worlds together and let love fix the decays of our society. Because according to Morrie, "love always wins".

Then I saw her again but I became scared. The idea of losing everything I've had earned brought me back to my senses.

Somehow.. I don't know. But I'm happy seeing her again.

Do you think this is possible? I almost thought so. Well you can't stop your heart from beating anyway. Neither you can choose.

Townhouse for Rent in Lapu-lapu City, Cebu

ENTRANCE VIEW OF THE SUBDIVISION

(pictures inside the house and bigger view of the house will be uploaded as soon as possible)

House Features
• Master's Bedroom with balcony
• Two bedrooms with bedroom closets
• Two toilet and bath with stylish bathroom fixtures
• Deluxe ceramic floor tiles for kitchen, living and dining rooms
• Kitchen with counters and cabinets
• Polished wooden raining and stairs
• car garage

LOCATION MAP

Near Mactan beaches and other establishments like hotels and restaurants. It's only less than an hour away from the main city(Cebu City).

VICINITY MAP

*Two units are available for rent. If you're interested, just post a reply on this entry below or email me at this address crisz.ziel@gmail.com. Feel free to inquire.

Just a Plain Loser

What a shame! -That's what I said to myself as I drown to regret two months ago. Feeling so upset, my reflections went up and ruled over me, Ohh I never did any good in this life. I'm such a weakling trying to create a strong image for my own fulfillment. After that hideous incident, I began to realize how stupid I have become for the people who want nothing from me but a bright future. A future that could make them proud, something that could convert all my mistakes into a good impression, something, something.. something that would make me feel not less of a person someday. But do I really want the path they're taking me? What if, I want something that's flaming inside me. A passion per se. Wait, I forgot to tell you, the blame is all on me! All along. I've been a big loser, ever since. And I cannot be as right as I wanted to be.

The next morning, I could still remember, fresh as the breeze, the failure. And days had passed, gradually my mind's absorbing what the world's trying to impose. - that I never learned anything from all my experiences and fell again from own absurdity because I always look the other undesirable way of things.

So here I am, trying to see the big picture, walking on the right track, with all the necessary things I have to give just to see that "big picture". I studied my ass out! Followed what's being told and set only one goal. -to pass the subject. Because I know, if I want to fix my life, I should start in school.

I thought all the hardships that I've had gone through were enough for me to change my bumming image. I've never been this excited when it comes to grades. For me, they're just grades. After the midterm exam, I felt light, I knew in myself that I did my best in the exams. Though I missed some requirements and other set works, I was endured with confidence.

Until I finally got the figures, and discovered only one thing, that I worked so hard only to realize that I have not really given out my best.

Naana sa Maayong Kahimtang

Kay intrams man namu ron, naa ra tawn ko sa balay sud na sa pipila ka adlaw, naghinuktok, naghuwat, nagpanagana sa mga adlaw kay pirting dalia jud sa panahon. Bisan tuod man ganahan na ko ugma dayon, tanan nkong mga pangandoy nkaba-ot na nako, pero sa luyong bahin sa akong ulo, gusto ko naghunong lang ang akong kalibutan. Hmmm.. I guess, I'm too happy right now that I don't want to sleep anymore, because I'm scared to wake up one morning alone. Sa kadaghan nga nahitabo sa akong kinabuhi, maskin ako, d makatoo na ako karon, madaugon ug malipayon. Sa kadaghan nga langyaw nga akong diha-diha nka ila, abi nko makit-an nko kanila ang kuwang sa akong kinabuhi pero d diay. Only one person is destined to solve the puzzle in my life and pull me out from emptiness.

Life has always been bitter to me until you came. I was born without much luck, from raffle tickets to love matters, haha. Pero ok ra, I realized na I hold my own luck. Maybe because I wasn't learning from all my mistakes before that's why misery is implacable. Ug sakto mo tanan, weak ko. Well, change must come and start from me. Since the day I finally accepted some realities in life, I opted myself to be strong and never let failure drag me down. That latter part of my life opened my eyes to many good things in life that I missed to appreciate because I was busy thinking how to turn back time. Nasakitan jud ko, tinud-anay nga mga pagbati akong wala'y preno nga gipagawas didto sa mga tao nga naghugaw-hugaw sa akong kasing-kasing. Sabagay, dli tanang tao maayo nato. Naa ju'y mga molubad as time passes by. Mao nang lisod kaayo mahigugma karong panahona. I really find it hard to entrust my heart to someone but the fact that you love the person, the best choice is to just give it all out and wait for the time it will be returned broken. Of course, how will I know if this love is worth the risk if I refuse to gamble, dba? Bahala na, basta i'm happy someone is making me happy. And I wouldn't really ask for more.

I used to run after the same face, wherever I look, I see nothing but the same image. It was a very painful moment, when all you could do is just stare at someone so happy without you. Heart-pinching, isn't it? And the most dying part is letting him chase his own dream and abandon ours? But the good side of it is, if it didn't happen that way, I won't be able to feel this kind of happiness and everyday excitement in life. I'm loved by the person I also love, that's the best new start I will always remember all the days of my life. It pays all the time I had spent to make my heart beat again. Makes me think that I didn't wait for nothing at all, in fact, mura'g wala ko nawad-an. We deserve each other and I'm glad to feel and know that every time. Life is amazing.

So Blessed

I've been through a lot in life, from justifying my weaknesses to denying my strengths. I've had to give up more than what I've received. Of course, life is never fair. There are times that dying for me is the only way out. But you know what, writing's been saving me from that lonesome momentum. I project many faces, wear different masks, yet still, people could see my pain. I brought up not knowing what true happiness means. In my heart, there's a silent hatred residing, ready to explode when things become so unbearable. Oh yes, I'm a pitiful person, I know. But what's good about this life is we learn. -to survive, to be brave, to stand up, to make things right, to change, to fall and not to, and to risk.

We move on from our past and get over the feeling that has brought us to misery. I honestly came to the point where I couldn't feel anymore, my heart was stoned up per se. But love? It never fails me in putting everything in place. My views changed and all the absurdity in life, I've not seen anymore. Because of love, I learn to be selfless and never expect anything in return. I start to care and be sensitive. I began believing and trusting.
I've witnessed my own fall, I got my heart broken also for quiet a number of times already but every time I think of this wonderful feeling inside me, the bitterness just go away. And even if I'm not lucky enough to make them all stay, it's alright with me. They're not just somebody else, they're part of me that I will remember all the days of my life. No, I wouldn't change any of those heart breaking moments, because if it wasn't for those goodbyes, I wouldn't find someone else to fall in love with. Now, so far, every thing's in place. And whatever comes along the way, I'm ready.

I appreciate your entrance in my life a lot. And I wouldn't ask for more in this world because just by your tender laughter alone, all seems light to me. The days and nights we've spent together keep the spark glowing and I'm loving it. It grows so fast that sometimes, I find it hard to control. Knowing that you're just around is another reason for me to smile and be thankful everyday. I know Thank you is not enough but still, thank you for making my day to day living easy and for being the reason why everything now is in their right places.

The point is... I'm In love!

I'm happy to say that I've found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's not easy to get up from a long sleep. I remember how I tried so hard just to eradicate the intolerable pain in my system. Everyday I struggle to get out from the darkness. Everyday I strive to be better but I've never been until someone came and my world became colorful, full of happy memories. I know there's no guarantee of our happy ending, but hey, I'm counting on you. Let's make the most out of it while we still can.

I want to take you to the island where my mom grew up and spent most of our summer days there. Let's swim and taste the salt water rushing through our whole being. Learn to understand simple living and mingle with the fishermen and the town people. I want to share to you the sky that I've been gazing to ease my depressions. The sea that listens to the screams of my heart. They're part of me.

Let's go to Paris and climb the Eiffel Tower. We'll watch over the world together. The city, the noise of the vehicles in the busy streets, the sparkling lights dancing in the night of France, I wanna see them all with you.

Let's go to Vegas, and experience the excitement of the Sin City. Let's be merry there like what we planned. Your dreams are mine too, I'll go anywhere with you, I'll travel with you and adjust from different cultures. Take me anywhere, and you'll hear no complain.

We'll learn from each other and grow old together. We'll hold hands forever and see the world with grace. We'll change for each other, transform for the common good. Let's treasure every moment, let's work this out, out of trust, respect, honesty and love. And dreams too, the reason why we hold on to this uncertainty.

I want to see the face that gives me peace every time I open my eyes. I'm loving you everyday. I'm giving you all my heart and it scares me, for you might return it broken. But I don't care anymore, the point is.. I'm in love!

You're worth all the risks and you're all I need in this life to keep me going.

Everything By Lifehouse

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

I LOVE YOU!

I Love You

You are the rainbow after the storm,
you sustain me with hopes of tomorrow,
a life worthy of surprises and wait
When you have found me lost in the darkness,
I thought you'd never ever dare to mind.

But you stretched your arms, then there's peace
You give me reason to smile once again.
To view life without madness and despair,
To put an end to my unhappiness,
you've shown me love at an unforeseen time.

I wish that this would go on forever,
not a doubt could ever make this stop.
We'll hold on till the end, never let go
We'll pamper each day of our lives with love
We will grow and see the world together.

'Cause you give meaning to my existence
'Cause I need you like fishes need the sea,
my survival, my reason of breathing,
my weakness, strength, my inspiration,
my happiness and my drive to success.

I love you.. soooo much.