A new Leaf

Yesterday, I went to USC to entertain some things. It would break my family's heart if they'd found out what I was really doing there. I'm here again in this situation where I feel really really troubled. I sought advice from our Guidance Councilor since we've been close for like how many months now. I trusted him, with him I can cry and forget about my concerns. It was almost 4 in the afternoon that I've finally told him something not everybody is familiar about me. Yes, for the first time in my life, I was being myself in front of someone. At first, it's hard to spill the bean but then I've given up pretending. I became tired of preserving this fishy side of me. So I told him the root of my depression. The feelings I've felt as I released the words that shouldn't be uttered came from the deepest and darkest part of my heart. It's a relieved and somewhat, I feel proud. Then we talked about someone and I told him how this someone has changed me. Valley of tears came out from my very eyes, it's still painful for me every time I talk about this someone. I was planning to leave and run after my happiness but he advised me to weigh things. He asked me if I was ready? The truth, I'm scared. I'm scared of everything that resides there. The lonely moments and hardships I will experience there scare me. I'm not happy and I can't find my happiness here so I've to leave and look for it. But then, thinking about my age, skills, disposition, I know I'm not capable enough for this adventure. I want to change, I want to be a better person but still, I think I won't be when I'm in here. But am I really ready? No. So I've to pass. I just realized that this is not the right time. Now that I've already recognized my happiness, I believe I can get it but not now. My friends were right, I should fix things here first before jumping into another goal. I know I'll change, I have an inspiration to make my living make sense. My past life will remind me that I have stay focus and be strong. I will not do the same mistakes ever again. God, please give me strength to move forward. This is another battle of my life, I must be determined to change for the people I cared the most. I love them so much and I won't leave them unless I'm better.