It was one mellow afternoon last year that someone said this to me, "you know what Cris, sometimes, it's not wrong to be selfish". She is right though, I've been giving everyone a favor and I've never really stood up for myself. From my interests to my potentials, none, for many, I'm just a happy-go-lucky dumbass or a yes-yes dummy head. I've been comforting the needy, I've been there with them, I've been visible, yet I've never felt appreciated. I've been walking behind people and I've been kind in my own ways, yet I've never received good in return except for this phrase "no, you're not nice, you are super nice, easy on that". Actually, I'm not a good person, you just haven't reached the edge yet. -I guess that's what I really want to say. :)Shouting at me, making me look awful in front of many people, cheat on me, being taken advantage of, damn! these things silently and gradually perished my whole system. Just because I don't complain, doesn't mean I'm fine with that. And just because I hit back to your insults with a humble smile, doesn't mean I'm pleased to hear that. I'm just not fond of babbling around and I consider many things before throwing words (except when I'm lost that I tend to be very irrational). I'm also not used to asking favors and begging for help and as much as I feel not comfortable having debts to someone, I'm also not an avid fan of rejection and confrontations.
You nag, as if you know me this this much. You speak, as if I owe you my life. You treat me, as if I were some kind of a puppet. I just have this long line of patience, respect and hesitations that's why I pretend it's cool. Hey I have pride also, I may have made it not obvious but it exists in me. You just don't know how I hated myself when I'm mad. I have this tendency to become the worst person in the planet. And I don't want to hurt people anymore because I know what I'm capable of once someone breached my sanity.
Sometimes, being away from the crowd is the best part of living. And I'd rather be alone than being surrounded with fake individuals. Real people are hard to find these days, it's because most minds are overshadowed with deceptive intentions.
I'm not a hypocrite, I just converse with a smile, no matter how horrible this person has been to me or to others, I believe that nothing will happen to someone that would go down and sink to someone else' level. That's my prerogative, that's how I define YOU.
You nag, as if you know me this this much. You speak, as if I owe you my life. You treat me, as if I were some kind of a puppet. I just have this long line of patience, respect and hesitations that's why I pretend it's cool. Hey I have pride also, I may have made it not obvious but it exists in me. You just don't know how I hated myself when I'm mad. I have this tendency to become the worst person in the planet. And I don't want to hurt people anymore because I know what I'm capable of once someone breached my sanity.
Sometimes, being away from the crowd is the best part of living. And I'd rather be alone than being surrounded with fake individuals. Real people are hard to find these days, it's because most minds are overshadowed with deceptive intentions.
I'm not a hypocrite, I just converse with a smile, no matter how horrible this person has been to me or to others, I believe that nothing will happen to someone that would go down and sink to someone else' level. That's my prerogative, that's how I define YOU.
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