Last minute session.. Forgetting and Letting go. DreamworldDear Geek,
You've betrayed me whenever you feel nostalgic about life. I just don't want you to quit fighting in this battle and be strong.
I am angry because you're stopping yourself to break free. Just for once, will you stop moving and notice the caring people around you? I am angry because you're so perfectionist and so obsessed with your dreams. I'm angry because you're pushing me to hurt you.
It's sad how we let to end things this way. I shouldn't have let you to let me go. I should have not let you go. It's killing me inside everytime I think of those happy times with you.
I'm afraid that this would go on forever. It's like I'm heading towards a never ending loneliness, I am scared.
I'm sorry for doing too much. I'm sorry for hurting you over and over again. I'm sorry I came into your life.
I want you back. You just don't know it but I do. I love being with you and I'll never get tired of expressing this feeling silently. I wish I could reverse the time and be back to the days where it's only you and me.
With Love and Hope,
Blacksheep
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From a very long day, I arrived home very exhausted. With my eyes still in serious pain, I woke up early morning to attend our seminar in Counseling. It was held in USC retreat house in Talamban Campus. It's tranquilizing out there, just the place prefect for my unwinding moments.
We were group into four. Each group has there facilitator, we formed full circle and started the session with a brief orientation about stuffs. Destiny falls on me when I got the slot to take the first shot. People can tell how tense I was just by looking at my actions. Stomping my feet as fast as I could, waving my hands up and down near my sweating nose and my heart was beating so fast. Then moments after, I uttered the first word "I". Followed by reading and explaining to them the things that I wrote on the brown paper with the heading "MY LIFE STORY". I was reading so fast that I couldn't even remember to pause. That anxious moment, I wanted to just murmur those words and just let my own ears hear it. As always, I wanted to keep everything inside me. But for a change, maybe I have to learn opening the real me to people. Laying down the things that bothers me to the world might set me free. I was asked by our facilitator some dreadful questions regarding to what I'd just read. I couldn't look straight to their eyes upon responding to their doubts. And then again, I felt caught in the middle. I don't have to be specific neither to be very exact. Just let me open my mouth and close yours till' we're over. It took me almost an hour to finally close the book of my life.
While listening to my classmates, I felt less of a person. I mean, how could they narrate such confidential or rather personal things to others? Where in my part, even if I've told them some facts about me. I know in my heart, it didn't even reach half of what are supposed to be shared about. I missed to see the big picture. But I still believe that guts must go together with readiness. As much as possible, I keep my distance to the things that may lead me to confrontation. Maybe they've noticed it. I wanted to cry and let go of the those liquids that were suspended in my very eyes. I wanted to release a deep breath and just stop being ethical. That moment, all I wanna do is scream to the world that "this is the real me!". But I have to hold back of those tears from falling down and weigh things 'cause at the end of the battle, it will always come down to me. I've concealed those pains from them so I could protect whatever that should be protected. I'm addicted to pretensions and sometimes, I find it too much. How can they afford to unlock their doors to other people? Why can't I? She's right, I'm all about my surrounding. I'm projecting a happy face to hide my true emotions. I'm wearing a mask to seal those feelings. I'm numb, I'm hopeless, shame on me.
And in 10 years, if I'm still not learning and patching my life.. Then those people who used to look at me with grace won't even recognize me, not anymore.
From a very long day, I arrived home very exhausted. With my eyes still in serious pain, I woke up early morning to attend our seminar in Counseling. It was held in USC retreat house in Talamban Campus. It's tranquilizing out there, just the place prefect for my unwinding moments.
We were group into four. Each group has there facilitator, we formed full circle and started the session with a brief orientation about stuffs. Destiny falls on me when I got the slot to take the first shot. People can tell how tense I was just by looking at my actions. Stomping my feet as fast as I could, waving my hands up and down near my sweating nose and my heart was beating so fast. Then moments after, I uttered the first word "I". Followed by reading and explaining to them the things that I wrote on the brown paper with the heading "MY LIFE STORY". I was reading so fast that I couldn't even remember to pause. That anxious moment, I wanted to just murmur those words and just let my own ears hear it. As always, I wanted to keep everything inside me. But for a change, maybe I have to learn opening the real me to people. Laying down the things that bothers me to the world might set me free. I was asked by our facilitator some dreadful questions regarding to what I'd just read. I couldn't look straight to their eyes upon responding to their doubts. And then again, I felt caught in the middle. I don't have to be specific neither to be very exact. Just let me open my mouth and close yours till' we're over. It took me almost an hour to finally close the book of my life.
While listening to my classmates, I felt less of a person. I mean, how could they narrate such confidential or rather personal things to others? Where in my part, even if I've told them some facts about me. I know in my heart, it didn't even reach half of what are supposed to be shared about. I missed to see the big picture. But I still believe that guts must go together with readiness. As much as possible, I keep my distance to the things that may lead me to confrontation. Maybe they've noticed it. I wanted to cry and let go of the those liquids that were suspended in my very eyes. I wanted to release a deep breath and just stop being ethical. That moment, all I wanna do is scream to the world that "this is the real me!". But I have to hold back of those tears from falling down and weigh things 'cause at the end of the battle, it will always come down to me. I've concealed those pains from them so I could protect whatever that should be protected. I'm addicted to pretensions and sometimes, I find it too much. How can they afford to unlock their doors to other people? Why can't I? She's right, I'm all about my surrounding. I'm projecting a happy face to hide my true emotions. I'm wearing a mask to seal those feelings. I'm numb, I'm hopeless, shame on me.
And in 10 years, if I'm still not learning and patching my life.. Then those people who used to look at me with grace won't even recognize me, not anymore.
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